4 Months!

Graham had his 4 month doctor visit today. He had his vaccines and took it like a tough guy! He is 26 inches long (75th percentile) and 17 pounds 11 ounces (90th percentile). So those are the stats! Doing fantastic in every area...except maybe sleep. And I have been stressed out ever since leaving the doctor's office!

First of all, let me say that I really love the kids' pediatrician. She tells it like it is and is upbeat and extremely knowledgeable. However, her "tell it like it is" attitude is what has me in a tizzy...

Graham still isn't sleeping through the night. Not even close. He FINALLY gets to a deep sleep sometime after 9 or 10pm, and then usually wakes 3-5 hours later and then every 2-3 hours after that. I try replacing his binky to try and soothe him back to sleep, but it doesn't work. The only thing that works is nursing him back to sleep. So...this arrangement doesn't prove to give me lots of sleep either. Well, when you add it all up, it's a decent amount- but no more than about 4 hours at a time. Graham has even started eating more solid foods in the last few weeks, but it hasn't really changed his sleep pattern.

Today I'm telling this to the doctor. Here's her response...

"Here's what you do. You nurse him, change his pants, do all of his routine bedtime things to soothe him. Put on some 'white noise'. Then, you put him in his crib and don't open the door again until at least 6am."

Mmmmmkay. I asked a couple of questions and left saying "Ok! This sounds good! Let's do it!" But it's only a few hours later now and I've changed my mind. I prefer a more gradual method. :) On one hand...the part of me that hasn't slept more than a 4 hour stretch in over 4 months...says HALLELUJAH! Let's do it! The other part of me falls to pieces after he's been crying more than 2 minutes.

This isn't just a little bit of sympathy either...it's my whole heart. I feel awful wondering what he's thinking...or if he can even think?! I know he wants his mama and I want him but there's some big ugly "rule" over our heads that I feel like I have to obey.

If I thought it would make him a better person in the long run, that's a different story. But I don't. If we're still going through this at 6, 9, 12 months, that's a little different. Then I feel like it's a bit more urgent. But he's been on the planet for 4 months, has been sleeping near his mom (in bed or bassinet) every single night, and now I should throw him in his crib and close the door and ignore him until morning? I'm not sure I'm up for this...

Anyway- had to vent. I've had anxiety about this all day. I want to do what's "right" for him. But I really don't think it's "wrong" to take more gradual steps and let him lead instead of forcing this on him. I want him to be happy and healthy. I want him to associate his crib as a safe, cozy, happy place....not a dreaded bedtime place. I want bedtime to be as peaceful as possible.

I think we will start trying to implement more of a bedtime routine for him though, to help with getting ready for sleep. We never really had to do this for Carley- she slept through the night at 8 weeks and hasn't looked back! She loves sleep! Graham has been a little more challenging in that area, but we'll figure it out!

I'm in the process of doing lots of reading right now about sleep transition and babies. So far, I seem to agree with Dr. Sears and his attachment parenting theories, but there are other theories I appreciate as well. I will continue to go with my gut and what works for us until I find extremely contradicting information or until something else major changes.

Life is way too short. As for now, I'm of the opinion that if I can make this baby happy and peaceful, and still help parent him to be a good man...I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. I won't be able to get this time back....time that I intend to use on snuggling and rocking my baby.